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Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Story

e really knows my story.  My family know (a small part) of it.  Robyn knows more of it. But no one really knows all of it.  The pain.  The shame.  And the joy.  Someone said to me once “at least you and ****** have men to live off of”.  But two things about that statement.  First I don’t.  In my way I give so much to the relationships I have been in.  And second the person who said that is kind of doing the same thing at this point at time.  And yet they are giving so much also.  That is the part of the story that is so easy to over look.  We all have something to give.  And so many times people don’t know what we contribute.  That is okay.  A person should not give, weather financial or emotional, because of what is in it for them.  They should do it because it is what they want and because it is the right thing to do.  There are times in each of our lives when we are unable (or unwilling) to give.  I think that is okay also.  Because that is when we need. 

I have been blessed in my life with people who have been willing to give when I needed, and in return I think I have given when they needed it.  But for those who keep a score card, it does not work. 

Anyhow back to my story.  Many of you may not watch Greys Anatomy.  But there was an episode where Callie (Sara Ramirez) sang a song called “The Story”   I have copied the lyrics below.  It is me.  I have been blessed with people in my live who have known my story.  The one who knew the most is no longer with us.  But this is what I would tell him if he were still here. 
Even yet I am not ready to tell all the things that have happened and all the people who have hurt me.   I want some day to put it all on here and on facebook and anywhere else I can think of.  I want my story to help other people cope.  But most of all I want someone to know the WHOLE story.  That is what I strive for.
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am

But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true, I was made for you

I climbed across the mountaintops
Travel across the ocean blue
I cross over lines and I broke all the rules
And baby I broke them all for you

Oh because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do, I was made for you
[ Lyrics from: ]
You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
All of the friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know I'm in this mess

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